Yeah, hi February. I started this year doing something I’ve never done before: I chose 3 words to live by:
Except, as usual with me, things have beelined the opposite. I’m trying to deal with strange chronic pain that seems to have popped up out of the blue over the last few months. When you try to do your daily things- you know, like balancing 4 children on one finger, but it hurts to lift that finger -things just suck, and those words you were pumped up to live out are staring at you and they just suck.
And so January flies by and one day you’re standing in the kitchen peeling a tangerine for your 3 year old, who is perfectly able to peel it on his own but insists that you do it at the pain of falling to the floor in devastation per usual 3 year old style. And you flop the first half of that tangerine into a bowl and hand it to your child, who at his age, is best known for demanding things from you instead of engaging in genuine conversation, but he stops you with an unusual question:
“Mom, do you want to smell my orangie?”
And in my grey state, I consider distractedly saying, “No, just eat your orange.” mentally adding “and leave me alone for 10 minutes together.”
But instead, I chose the opposite. And let me tell you, it was an effort to muster, “Yes, I do, honey.” and it was an effort to bend down and actually sniff the thing. My body resisted leaning forward, and putting my nose on that piece of fruit.
One sniff was all it took to drop me into a California orange grove. I stood there and felt the warm western sun. I inhaled the vibrant greens and the clear sky. I felt my skin open and accept vitamin D. The tension in my neck, legs, and spine relaxed.
And then I exhaled, landing back in the kitchen where bare brown trees stood dully, staring at me through the window with long Ohio faces.
I looked down at Collin and smiled.
In one simple question from my child, I was given the decision to choose all three of my words this year. I took it.
Thanks, C. That’s all I needed.