Oh, you know, I’m just over here obsessing about giving birth as all big pregnant ladies do near THE END. I got into comparing the birth “after party” photos following each of our children’s births and the blatant theme I noticed is knowledge. …or lack thereof.
Chuckle heartily with me, if you will:
Insert meme caption: PARENT’D.
Alternative caption: CHOLASMA’D
“HOSPITAL’D” also comes to mind.
I have no idea where newborn Lexington is, probably getting poked by multiple nurses. But that’s first time parenting/birthing for you. Moving on…
HOSPITAL’D, to the rescue. This was my first attempted non-medicated birth. -Ended up with a misplaced epidural, blacking out, almost barfing, an I.V. which sent searing pain down my arm the entire time but the nurses wouldn’t listen to me, being loaded up on other drugs I don’t know what they were, being numb from my neck to my belly button, and not to my birth canal, the OB cutting Emmett’s head repeatedly in attempts to break my water, and partially feeling the whole birth. Serious HOSPITAL’D.
The triumphant natural birth. But don’t let this photograph fool you, I was a rabid, foaming mess. I couldn’t get comfortable, the OB kept pestering me to do vaginal checks, they wouldn’t let me stay in the bathroom, and the birthing bed transformed into a huge stepladder monster with a really intimidating birthing bar attached and I locked up and lost my mind. But! The job got done. …and I had no voice for the next 24 hours.
And this time?
I changed OBs, changed hospitals, and found a hospital with a Birthing Center attached, and while I have the benefit of an assigned OB (and all hospital tech/medicine) in case of emergency, it’s midwife and nurse/doula run. As it turns out, I’ve been told there are only 3 birthing centers in all the USA which are located within a hospital, which are certified for water births. This hospital is apparently the Mothership.
I walked in for my orientation and the nurses are all talking about Essential oils, diffusers, dim lighting, low intervention, floating in a big ol’ LED lit birthing tub woosah –all dat crazy, hippy dippy baloney and I’m like THESE ARE MY PEOPLE.
And la pièce de résistance:
One more of the bathroom, because you know ladies and their bathrooms:
The plan? Well first, to give birth in one of these rooms. There are only 3 rooms available in the birthing center here. And we get the vibe that there are a lot of lady preggers due the first week of April. So I might end up down the hall in a regular hospital room. With my fortune, that’s probably what will happen. The happy news about that is that the nurses there have inflatable tubs available and will adhere to the birthing center natural birth (and my birth plan’s) standards. But still. I want in this tub.
My question to me is HOW did it take me until the 4th child to find this hospital?! Dunno. Probably because I’m a stubborn mule and don’t listen to people who have probably suggested this place to me in the past.
Oh well. Anyone have hilarious After Birth Party photos they want to share with me? Tag me up on the Gram!