(these could be cute if the chunk o’ cheese were grated off the balls of the shoe.)
THANK YOU JESUS.
I’m only 28 but I remember during middle school with the British Invasion of the Spice Girls, platform heels were a big fat clunky deal. They went away with my 8th grade braces.
But –wait– WHAT!?!! BACK SO SOON!?!? Ohh, too, too soo-hoo-hoon, I say through sobs of embarrassment over the two by fours I see encased in shoe store window displays.
In the last 3 or so years the clunky chunky things have been weighing down women like a ball & chain all over creation. Why- WHY, my dear sister friends, would we want to add 5 more lbs to our feet?
The classic pointed toe pump is forever my favorite type of shoe. Does that date me? Like a blazer with the sleeves rolled up, worn over a tee dates an 80’s person? If so, then I’m becoming the out-of-date mom stuck in her own decade. Plus, for me, no amount of commercial popularity about the chunky heeled pumps can nullify the fact that when I see these shoes, no matter who’s wearing them, I place them in a club filled with men who lust after women out of a misguided interpretation of the purpose of a female body. In other words: when I see those shoes, I see hooker feet and drooling, stupid men. But that’s just me and my angry femi-nazi rearing its fanged teeth.
At least I’m not attached to scrunchies, right? …says the girl who just ordered dorky 90’s reminiscent framed glasses… (Stay tuned til next week, y’all).
One of my favorite things to do is dance obnoxiously and sing loudly with my boys. The oldest is finally starting to join the fun, but mostly they just stare at me with mouths open and confused eyes.
So now one might imagine me dancing, as in doing a cute little hip shake or even a dorky fist pump yet still manageably cute, right?
You’re dead wrong, baby. (Use your best Austin Powers voice there)
Lest ye forget: I was heavily involved in musical theatre from 6th grade up…
(Sorry, blogging from my phone today. Can’t embed the video directly)
Catholic Memes posted it Easter Monday, aka April Fools day. IT. IS. ME. Every aspect of Colbert’s dancing: from his stupid, pointed-toe-twirl to his insane facial expression. This is how I dance for my boys. They don’t even know what they’re witnessing. Cause in public, I’m all like:
Cottages covered in flowers.
This is a secret fave that I’ve longed for since ever since I was very little and watched Sleeping Beauty. …but don’t most girls?
I know I’m not quite Marie Antoinette but a cottage would be considered my Petit Trianon. And you can bet yer britches I’d have a room full of this print in a cottage. It just wouldn’t be right without it.
I hear you, Fanny Dashwood,
“Oh a cottage? How charming. A little cottage is always very snug!”
My 6 month old. I have realized that 6 months is such a precious time during the life of a baby. He’s starting to crawl. He’s becoming interested in his surroundings and grabs at everything. He’s engaging socially. He doesn’t have to be held all the time, so I’m able to do housework! I did this last week:
(no one has seen the bottom of this closet since we moved here a year and a half ago- and it was filled with previous occupant’s junk– and pet hair. Blech!)
When he does want to be held, I can still do stuff with an ease much more agreeable than a newborn who can’t yet sit up, let alone hold up his sweet baby head. This is just a beautiful thing for a parent to witness: a human child, growing. …and a little bit of breathing room for the parent.
That’s it this week for my faves. See you all Friday for 7QT, which includes the tale of me punching myself in the face… mmm hmm.
I enjoyed it enough that it inspired me to write my own 10 things. Actually, only 5… maybe just to add to her list …but to single women, and as a reminder to the taken ones as well.
Here we go!
1.“If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” is the worst advice. ever. Flaunt it? Flaunt what? Flaunt what for whom? If you’re a single lady looking for a quality man, he won’t enjoy watching you “flaunt it” for all the other men to see. What does that leave him? And if you’re taken by a man whom you love, why on earth would you want to wear clothes that flaunt the parts of you that should only be the privileges of your spouse? Single and young? Are you looking for love or lust? Respect or game? What you wear, whether you agree with me or not, is looked at by EVERYONE. The 50 year old man you just walked by while wearing a skirt that barely covers your bottom? He’s looking at you, and he’ll think about you later- whether you’re 13 or 30. Your uncle? Well, he IS a man after all. Your brother? Yep, he sees your boobs popping out of your shirt. He’s a man too. Unless they’re gay, men like looking at a woman’s body. As gross and twisted as that may sound, remember who you’re “flaunting it” to: EVERYONE. Also, remember there are pedophiles and perverts posing as school teachers, mentors, pastors, priests, doctors, best friends and close relatives. When you “flaunt it” they’ll definitely remember to come back to you. “Oh, whatever Carolyn, she looks cute!!!” Yeah, cute to you, if you’re a woman. But if you’re a man, she looks like sex on heels. Sex. If that’s what you want to flaunt, then be happy having shallow, hollow “relationships”… and lots of them …as well as STDs.
2.Being “one of the guys” is counterproductive. Proud of being able to burp like the guys? Drink like the guys? Talk like the guys? Then be proud of having no respect from the guys, and probably staying single for a long, long time. Sadly, women are told that, in all facets of life, we are equal to men. Yes, in the workplace, in voting rights and in human rights we are and should be equal. But we are not made equally. If a man wants a girl who swears like his best buddy, tells dirty jokes, drinks to the point of vulgar behavior and belches like his father, I do believe he’d be better off seeking out another man. A straight man doesn’t want to marry his bro. A worthy man loves a woman because she is womanly. A worthy man loves a woman who can speak passionately, but with words that prove she’s read a book or two. A worthy man loves a woman who likes to have a good time, but exercises self-control. A worthy man loves a woman with self respect.
3. NEVER let a man tell you “Don’t be so sensitive!” or “Can’t you take a joke?” This is one of my hot buttons :) If the guy you’re dating constantly tells you that you’re too touchy or “thinking about it too much” it’s because he’s insensitive, not respectful, and he’s most likely hiding something. From you. You don’t want to date a man who won’t take the time and effort to talk to you about things that bother you. If it bothers you, then IT SHOULD BOTHER HIM. If the things he says to you hurt you in any small way (when he claims “i’m only joking, don’t be so sensitive!”), you should be able to comfortably talk with the man who claims to love you for your whole being. If he becomes angry or defensive, run far, far away. Even when his other “qualities” are pristine, if he makes you feel like you can’t fully trust him or talk to him, you will never, ever be really happy. There IS someone better. Someone worthy. There is!
4.It is okay to be single. It is okay to not have kids. Some might be surprised to hear this coming from me: a married, pro-life mother of 3. Pro-lifers DO believe this! Every person is different! Every person is called to a different vocation in life. Oh yes, having children is, I believe, one of the most powerful, beautiful gifts this life offers, but women have different gifts. Ohh ha ha, don’t be fooled, I’m not talking about having your cake and eating it too. I can never be in support of contraception, or of having a sexual, co-habitating partnership outside of marriage. But some women physically cannot bear children. Many women have very serious reasons to not have children. And those reasons can be very different. Who am I or anyone else to decide whether those reasons are serious enough or not? That issue is between the woman, her spouse, and God.
5. You have a responsibility and right to know about your body, your fertility and how they are intimately connected to your well-being.
This right here, girls, is my passion. And I didn’t know about it. I did not know that my health affects my fertility, and that my fertility affects my health.
All I knew during my teen years is that I wanted bigger boobs, clearer skin and longer hair. And I knew the Pill could solve that for me. ..or so I thought. I mean, the commercials and magazines and my best friends all told me that they did, so how could I believe otherwise?
And how on earth was I supposed to know that there is a better way of solving my “issues” than by taking an artificial (FAKE) hormone that would only temporarily mask the underlying issue by regulating my natural hormones that were actually trying to tell me that something was wrong?!
My mother. That’s how. She wouldn’t let me take them. And I was angry that she wouldn’t. Now I am beyond thankful that she knew I deserved better. I have learned that as a woman, I AM AMAZING. My fertility is not a disease. My fertility tells me things that even my doctors could not. I only had to learn how to connect what my body was telling me to the natural ways and remedies that will forever advance my health and hopefully keep me from getting sick, having cancer, or having fertility issues. Believe me, I have been very surprised to learn how much (and most!) of my health problems are affected through my fertility.
If I were to have taken the Pill, I would have never known what my body can tell me because the Pill would’ve shut it up. Shut up, you’re a disease and I’m here to regulate you.
As a woman we are gifted far beyond men with a womanly sense. Call it a sixth sense, if you will. We have a responsibility to be in-tune with this sense. It is amazingly empowering. I feel more in control of myself, my emotions and my body, knowing what I know now, than I’ve ever felt in my life. And I thank my mother for being “conservative” and “over-protective”. I thank her for knowing I deserve to be educated about who I am. I thank her for believing I am worth more. Maybe you’ve never been taught these things. You can’t blame your mom, because she didn’t know, and neither did her mother! But we have the power to change our paradigm, to change our legacy, our family tree. We are women, and we are beautifully, powerfully, amazingly made. Don’t hide from it, don’t cheapen it, don’t be ignorant of it!