Joining Jen AND the ladies at Fine Linen & Purple. Why am I mashing two link-ups together? Because I’ve had the 7QT post sitting in my draft folder since Thursday and just can’t catch a break to finish.
Merely 2 weeks ago, I was feeling like slugzilla and winterblues-y, I’m in opposite world this week and super itchy to update you all about what I’m doing! Guess what though? It makes no difference because I’m too busy chasing El Destructor, aka Collin JP, from every corner, countertop, cabinet, and shelf in the house. He has a master plan to make the hair suicide bomb off of my head.
As I’m reassembling the desecrated shelf of DVD’s, he’s already at the next phase of his plan: dumping the fresh veggies, and yogurts, and cheeses, out of the fridge. I come a’running lest the veggies shrivel and the dairy products grow bleu; Which is that’s exactly what he wants, because now it’s time to stand at the vanity in the bathroom and use the closest toothbrush to scrub whatever looks dirtiest.
When I’m convinced he’s actually interested in a legitimate child’s toy, I seize the moment to attempt to eat, or to have a cup of coffee, or maybe just to breathe –then I realize it’s all a ruse.
Collin is the toddler version of a drunk frat
boy. As soon as the victim (aka mommy dearest) is perceived in a semi-state of almost-relaxation –BAM! Juice cup to the head. –BOOM! A body hits the floor. –TRICKLE-RICKLE-RICKLE. Some form of liquid is spilled in an inconvenient place, usually around an electronic. Since Emmett’s phase of curiosity was short-lived and, 90% less curious, I haven’t faced this level of chaos since Lexington was 1 & 1/2.
A night in the life of making dinner:
- Unload dishwasher, so that I can:
- Empty sink of dirty dishes into dishwasher, so that I can:
- Fit meat into sink to thaw under some running water, before I can actually:
- Begin to prepare meal.
Along to the beat of:
- Chasing Collin, who has grabbed two glasses out of top rack of dishwasher while I’m trying to unload the clean dishes.
- Balancing on one leg while the other acts as a barrier, so that Collin cannot paw around the dirty dishes I’m trying to load into the dishwasher.
- Chasing Collin, who now has half of a raw onion in his possession.
- Halt entire “make dinner” operation to soothe the boo-boo acquired from falling off of a chair Collin loves-to-but-shouldn’t-have-been climbing upon.
- Soothing boo-boo requires nursing.
- 2 out of three children are suddenly dehydrated and hyperventilating that they NEED JUICE (water+splash o’ juice) RIGHT NOW PLEASE.
- Third boy realizes he’s parched after juicing station has been shut down promptly hangs upon my ankle, gnawing, and gnawing, and gnawing.
- …and gnawing.
- Aroma of dinner which has miraculously made its way into a frying pan or oven provokes the appetites of the Meddlers Three.
- Boys decide they need hors d’oeuvres o prepare for the dinner that they will then not eat, but I let them snack because:
- …gnawing, and gnawing, and gnawing.
It’s probably realistic to add that one of the three people will start radiating a stench from their bottom-half, which, if I know what’s good for me, the stinky pant’s pants, the impending rash, and subsequent wailing of the banshees, it’s best to risk burning the rice so that Sir Stinksalot can feel “aww beetur.”
Thanks to you generous and kind individuals who believe in me and have contributed to my virtual “tip jar,” I bought my new website! Also, a special thanks to my husband, who has proved he really does love me as he harbors no grudge over the fact that he wanted to gift me a website 2 years ago, but I protested because I was feeling nazifem and felt forced by the MAN. I am aware of the hardheadedness. I’m working. BUT I have finally, finally, finally purchased a new host and domain!
So changes are coming. I’m changing the name, and hopefully the way you’ll be experiencing my blog. For the better and the lovelier, I hope. I feel like a complete newborn blogger and completely overwhelmed with my behind-ness. Like, blogging is going to nosedive and not be a thing anymore by the time I start feeling caught up. But, maybenot. I promise to warn everyone of the changes as they become finalized.
When do I get to read a book? Midnight. In bed, with Collin-the-mini-monster snuggled under my chin. Using the Kindle app to read on the lowest backlighting is perfecto, and I usually fall asleep somewhere in the middle of the second paragraph.
How’s the book? My views on self help books are similar to what Kassie expresses here. I am quickly impatient with flowery language and fuzzy …fluffy clouds… and love… deep as the meadows in the pastures of my crisp green soul which is also likened to an apple, sitting atop the tallest apple tree, in an orchard of apple trees, from which one must draw forth her self worth and motivation to –gag me with a stick. I’m sure it works with many, loving, vulnerable, strong individuals, but I need something a little more tangible and a lot less beating around the bush.
So I’m only into chapter two, but in the first few pages of chapter ONE, I found myself making some deeper realizations about human relations that have caused me to slap my leg and announce loudly to the room, “FINALLY!”
Finally someone is saying these things in a way that resonates with me.
Kassie is doing a weekly link up, I think? I might jump in and cover some of my thoughts next week.
So here we are, three days after I started this post, and it’s Sunday. What I wore? Same old, same old. But I added a necklace and that made it feel a little schnazzier.
Top: Ann Taylor LOFT.
Skinnies: Rag & Bone
Booties: Sam Edleman
Necklace: J. Crew Outlet, 3 years ago.
This Sunday’s Mass was the most zootastic to date. Again, with the Collinstorm. Craig had walked him to the foyer to do some laps. Only after Craig was good and out of sight did Lexington whisper to me that he had to use the bathroom. I tried to wait for Craig to return because the problem with me walking Lexington to the bathroom is Emmett. If Emmett realizes that we are walking towards an exit, he starts chirping “BUH BYEEE! Talk tewyew TUH-MOR-oh!” which is really cute until I try to explain to him that we are not leaving and make a u-turn back to our seat. And then, we have thrashfest McGee.
…and that’s exactly what happened because Craig did not return, and Lexington’s pleas became urgent.
DVR recordings of The Office have been on and I’ve barely made it through typing this because I’ve been laughing so hard at the episode where Andy finds himself in a roller skate rink listening to DMB. Jen is challenging us to a week full of daily bloggings, and I’m hoping to try but I know what it’ll end up looking like:
Mostly posting at midnight, and forgetting that Saturday and Sunday are part of the week, too. I’d hate to submit you to a week of my thoughts each day, so check back in tomorrow at your own risk.